Mixed Geek

Geeks and nerds were ridiculed and not viewed as acceptable members of society in the 80s and 90s. Always assumed to be awkward, nonsocial, uncoordinated and lame outcasts. I used to hide the fact that I was still watching cartoons in high school, reading comic books (obscure Japanese ones), and drawing manga characters. I hid this especially since I was mixed and already received enough harassment about that, and didn't want to add more details to alienate me from the rest of the students. I hated (and still despise) stereotypes and I didn't want to get lumped into that category as well since life was already hard enough with what people placed on me about race.

Nowadays, it's okay to be nerdy and even encouraged to be a geek. I can let my "freak flag fly," and have only just begun to express myself outwardly (as a geek) in the last few years. I've had some funky hairstyles, colored my hair, and bought clothes depicting some of my favorite shows or galaxies. I love how, in our mainstream culture, I can be myself and am accepted online. There are still some obstacles when I meet people in the real world regarding my appearance, but I just try to ignore the stares and judgment.

I think it has been harder for people to recognize me as racially mixed anymore. Partially because of all the changes I've made to my hair and wardrobe. Also, as I've grown older, I seem to appear more ethnically ambiguous. It has made life easier, but at the same time I miss some of the questions I used to be asked. Only because I know that they must be jumping to conclusions, and would be surprised once they found out the truth.

Anyway, here's to the new geeky future! I hope this continues to be the norm so that my future child doesn't experience what I did. I'm sure they'll still get teased anyway because that's what kids do, but at least they can feel free about what they enjoy.

Growing Up Mixed

I was always a sensitive kid, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and wanted others to like me. I never really thought I was beautiful, though, no matter what people said. I could always find the beauty in others (and still do), but had a hard time seeing it in myself. I admired all the attributes of my friends and family. Always seeking other's approval, but that might partly be due to the fact that I'm an only child. I never really saw myself as being different, until other children started pointing it out.

6th-grade class photo.

I've had people tell me I have to choose sides of my racial background. That I have to be either white or black, or that they'll only acknowledge one or the other.  Some made fun of the fact that I sound "white" or dressed differently. (Especially since I was really into skater and surfer brands.) A kid in school asked me to repeat some rap lyrics in 9th grade homeroom just to laugh at the way I said it with no Ebonic accent (which I can speak that way if I wanted to). The white kids never really gave me the time of day since I wasn't into the same things they liked. This all made me feel alienated and I became a loner.

Around 8th or 9th grade.

I hung out with the other mixed kids, geeks, and outcasts since they were the ones that didn't bother with race. I knew everyone in the school but had very few real friends. Almost all of them eventually picked on me or made me feel like I wasn't "one of them." The only other group of friends that didn't seem to care as much about what I am (racially) where Latinos. None of my Latino friends bothered me about my ethnicity. It might come up once and that was it.

Through all this, I learned a lot about others and myself. I learned that I had to grow "thicker skin" in order to not let others get to me and hurt my feelings. That tweens and teens don't have a sensor. At that time in life, they blurt out just about anything they think of due to their developing brains. The portion of the brain that controls reasoning is shut down and under construction during those years. I just wish I knew that then. I did look at things from a different perspective, and still do, in regards to insults and negative talk. I would either not engage the person or agree with them. This would throw them for a loop since no one usually expects you to agree that your nose is ugly or that your mom is fat, etc. For the most part, I had to learn to be okay with being by myself rather than trying to "fit in" or be what I thought friends and acquaintances wanted me to be.

Long story short, growing up wasn't easy. I didn't always look the way I do now. I was awkward like all teenagers and kids (especially with how my body developed) which led to a LOT of people commenting or questioning my background. It wasn't until I reached adulthood that I didn't experience as many gawkers, inquisitors, or antagonizers pestering me with what was on their mind. It's kind of nice now to not be so noticeable, but it does make me wonder what they assume I am when there are no questions being asked.

Now I just need to figure out how to make life easier for my future child. I hope they won't have as many people invading their life with vexing comments and questions.

What are you?

A human being, a person, a writer, a dreamer, a lover of life, a wife and daughter. I am so many things, but this question does not specify what they really want to know. There are much better ways to ask about my ethnicity, or any other mixed person's, without being demeaning. This question might seem harmless, but it strips away what makes me who I am and rather focuses on my appearance. How I don't fit into the "normal" ethnic categories we have all known for so many years. Well, news flash folks! You're going to see more people that won't fit into any traditional ethnic box or category as the years go by, so please start learning to come up with better questions.

What I have heard the most are:

• What are you? - the worst question ever
• Where are you from? - resulting in country or state of origin
• Where are your parents from? - pretty much the same answer above
• Where did your family/grandparents come from? - can still return the same type of answer above
• What's your nationality? - American
• You're black and white, aren't you? - I am, in general, and this question is rarely asked
• Do you speak Spanish? - No, but apparently I look Puerto Rican
• What is your background? - Well, I was born and raised in California...
• Are you mixed? - Yes, I am

The best way to ask me or another mixed person is:

• What is your ethnic background?
• What is your ethnicity, if you don't mind me asking?
• What are you mixed with?
• Are you biracial or multiethnic?

Of course, you should probably get to know the person you're talking to a little bit before you dive into the personal cultural questions. It can be pretty rude and disrespectful to just blurt out any of the questions above without an introduction. When  I'm asked a question about my ethnic background off the bat it's as if I, as a person, am very unimportant while my contrasting appearance is what makes me who I am. I am more than my appearance, and only want to be treated like anyone else. Do you ask a white person what their ethnic background is? Or black? Or Asian? Or Latino? Most people don't. That also doesn't mean that it's polite to make assumptions and try to categorize me or other mixed people before finding out our ethnicity, nor anyone else's for that matter.

I have learned to never assume anything about anyone when it comes to culture and race since that person could be made up of any racial background. Skin color doesn't tell much about a person's ethnicity since people range in different shades in all cultures. Traveling abroad has really opened my eyes, and I think everyone should get the chance to visit other countries or interact with as many people from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. So, go meet new people, be respectful by using better questions, and get to know them. You'll learn something you didn't know before.

The Mixed Experience

In general being mixed is both a blessing and a curse. It's not like I asked to be born different or to have a multi-ethnic background, so it's hard when people try to make it an issue by treating me like I'm an abhorrent person, or assuming I'm something I am not and being rude in accordance with said assumption. At the same time, there are those that think my multicultural status makes me an amazing creature that has been blessed with all the positives of my ethnic background. What I have come to appreciate the most are the neutral and unbiased people I have met that don't focus on the specifics of my ethnicity all the time, and can learn to appreciate me for who I am as a person.

Within the United States, for the most part, people seem to not be so timid about asking questions and understanding my background. Outside the U.S., It's another story altogether. Most foreigners don't seem to understand the concept of interracial marriage unless it's within their own cultural background (like the intermixing in Latin countries or within Muslim culture).

I got to do some traveling abroad and some people seem to think anything different from the "norm" is awesome (in China & Japan) while others are seemingly flabbergasted that I even exist. Also, people outside the U.S. don't seem to know what African-American, Black or just African, in general, is in most places. I had to name a country in Africa to even begin to explain my Father's ethnicity to them. I always figured that other countries learn about world history as well, but this is not the case. I found this hard to swallow, and even more depressing was that most people wouldn't ask, but rather assume what I am and ended up treating me terribly because of it. I was mistaken for a specific ethnic group that was not highly regarded where I was staying on one occasion, in Dubai, and my American accent didn't help that either. So, in turn it made for a horrible experience and makes me not want to travel to that country again.

These are just some of the things I've come across, experienced, and observed through my travels and life experience. This may not be the same for every mixed person especially considering that we all don't look the same. I just want to share and talk about the things I've had to deal with.

Thank you for reading!

Blogger Manifesto

Let me start by saying this has been a dream of mine that has come to fruition, finally. I had the intention of starting this blog a year or two ago, but something always got in the way whether it was my schedule, nerves, or simply laziness (for lack of a better term). I have written and rewritten in my head some of the blog posts I wished to create, imagined how I would say and present things, but when it comes down to it I figure I can't make everyone happy and should focus on the message, and what I wish to express to everyone as a whole.

On that note, I'd like to say that this is not a blog about fashion, current events or crafting etc. This is the experience of one mixed girl hoping to reach out to other multi-ethnic people all over the world, and possibly educate others that don't come from a multi-cultural background as to my experiences and how difficult it can be to traverse the world as a walking question mark. (I say question mark because everywhere I go, people either assume, guess or wonder what I am in their attempts to categorize me, somehow, in their internal ethnic glossary.) I will address this in blog posts, at times using poetry, and maybe share some of my creative writing (completely unrelated). Sometimes I will write about personal struggles and/or issues, and it will not merely be about being multi-ethnic or culture.

I would like it if my readers would not turn the comment section into a debate, but rather a forum for discussion or understanding. If you have nothing nice to say do not post please because your comment will be deleted. I would like my readers to come away feeling enlightened to a new perspective, more connected to me (for those who are friends), like they can relate to an experience, enjoy some good creative writing/poetry, and/or share their own experiences as well. I want my readers to be satisfied in some way, whether it's from reading posts, having a great discussion, or enjoying the creative writing. I would like for you to leave this blog feeling like you've broadened your horizon of knowledge, opened up your mind to others around you, and learn to love all people no matter what their ethnic background is because when it comes down to it we are all human.

Please read and enjoy!